Building Superkids: Self-Control

- Without This, You Can Forget About Mastering Any Other Skill -

Written by Sensei Jon Davis

12 April 2024

Self-control is by far the most important of a Superkid's foundational skills. Kids are born with a lot of other foundational skills. For example, kids are born honest - they must be taught to lie. They are born confident - otherwise they would never learn to walk or talk.

But they are not born with self-control. Quite the opposite, in fact! As infants, we cry when we are hungry, we howl for attention, and any discomfort prompts us to demand immediate satisfaction!

For self-control to develop, it must be introduced to a child at a very young age. Parents and dojo instructors can work hand-in-hand to help children learn self-control.

At a very young age, kids must learn simple physical control - things like controlling their arms & legs and other bodily functions. When they get older, self-control includes controlling actions and behavior. Older children must also learn emotional and mental self-control as well.

Any parent with young children will tell you that kids are born with a natural ability to test the limits to learn about their world. They will push and try to find out what the boundaries are - or how far they can go.

A child who believes that the boundaries are flimsy or flexible learns to disrespect those boundaries. For example, hearing a "No" really means, "Maybe yes." And if this is the case, we end up teaching our kids to disobey! And next time, they'll go a little farther, pushing a little bit harder. Once this process starts, it is very difficult to stop.

Three Must-Do's for Self-Control:

1) Establish clear rules, clear boundaries.

2) Make sure there are consequences (natural or logical) for not respecting those boundaries.

3) Have consistent follow-up - a billion times if that's what it takes!

Dojo training offers a structured environment that naturally emphasizes discipline, respect and self-control. We want our students to learn to focus their minds, regulate their emotions, and develop self-discipline. In addition to maintaining the three must-do's with our children, we should also:

- Begin And End With Respect: Instructors and parents should model respectful behavior and reinforce the importance of treating others with kindness and consideration. Teaching children to respect themselves & others helps foster self-control and emotional maturity.

- Practice Patience: Learning Karate requires patience as well as perseverance. We can encourage our children to set goals for their training and work steadily towards achieving them. By teaching them to be patient and persistent, they learn to control their impulses and stay focused on their objectives.

- Teach Emotional Regulation: Karate training often involves controlled sparring or simulated self-defense situations. These activities teach children how to manage their emotions effectively by encouraging them to stay calm and focused, even in challenging situations, and to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

- Set Clear Expectations: Establishing clear rules both in and out of the dojo can help kids understand what is expected of them and what behaviors are appropriate. Be consistent in reinforcing these expectations to help them learn self-discipline and self-regulation.

- Encourage Self-Reflection: After each class, we should encourage children to reflect on their performance and behavior. Discuss what went well, as well as what could be improved, to help your child develop self-awareness and self-control. Encourage kids to identify areas for improvement and set goals for future training sessions.

- Emphasize Mindfulness: Karate training involves techniques that require focus and concentration. We can encourage children to pay attention to their breathing, body movements, and surroundings during class. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation can help kids develop better self-awareness and control over their thoughts and actions.

- Provide Positive Reinforcement: Acknowledge and praise children's efforts and achievements during Karate training. Positive reinforcement helps motivate them to continue practicing self-control and discipline. Celebrate their progress and achievements, no matter how small, to build their confidence and self-esteem.

By integrating these strategies into traditional Karate training, dojo instructors and parents can work together to help children develop essential self-control skills that will benefit them both on and off the mat. Through consistent guidance and practice, children can learn to harness their inner strength and cultivate greater self-discipline, resilience, and emotional regulation.